Midlife Crisis – Are you Having One?

More than just a cliché, midlife crises is experienced between the ages of 40-60. Psychologist Carl Jung was the first to identify it and calls it a normal part of the maturing process. Most people will experience some form of emotional transition during that time of life. Traditionally seen as a male domain, (I can just hear the women say: thank God, men are humans also. They “feel” also!) it can happen to women also.

“We call it a midlife crisis, but actually it can happen at any age, to any gender,” says Anne Devlin, a Sydney-based clinical psychologist. It could be triggered by divorce, a serious illness, redundancy, an empty nest, the loss of a parent. Or it can just occur out of the blue. The important question is: why does it occur? What are the deep-rooted factors that cause many of us, between the ages of 35 and 55, to go through what can be a long, frightening and isolating transformation?

Young at heart, young in the limbs, in our 20s we are usually on top of the world. “I want to be a scientist, I want to go places, I want to make it happen for me.” These are all positive, energetic and go-getter phrases. Then what happens.

We are faced with the reality of life. Things don’t come easy. Things may not even come in the packaging we want them to come in. Things may not always work out as we had planned it. The car that was going at 100 miles per hour slows down to the normal speed limit of 70 miles per hour as the norms of life take place with marriage, job, children and basically stuff. Some people manage to maintain their lifestyles as it was prior to all of the above commitments. Others just compromise or tell themselves, “When I retire.” The highways is ongoing.

Comes midlife! This is the breaking point. You sit back one day in your office chair, pull your back and say to yourself “Is this how it will ALL end? Is this IT?”  Here comes the desire to prove  yourself that what I was able to do at 25, I STILL am able to do at 40. It is time to prove to yourself who you really are so you set out usually on a series of adventure that do more harm than help.

It reminds me if The Groundhog’s Day when Phil and Gus are talking and Phil says:  It’s the same thing your whole life: “Clean up your room. Stand up straight. Pick up your feet. Take it like a man. Be nice to your sister. Don’t mix beer and wine, ever.” Oh yeah: “Don’t drive on the railroad track.” And Gus replies: Well, Phil, that’s one I happen to agree with. Life has suddenly become The Truman Show- everyday over and over again, and you say to yourself, “This is not how I wanted it. ” Nothing has really changed but your emotions have shifted.

A new concept is that everyone actually SHOULD  have a mid-life crises to make the changes needed before it is too late.

Hollywood incorporated the theme of a midlife crises in its fourth installment, Shrek Forever After. The lovable green ogre goes through a mid-life crisis, as he feels trapped under the weight of fatherhood and the same old routines. You can watch Shrek 4, It’s A Wonderful Life,” to see if you’re having one!

People have identified a mid-life crisis with the following:

Common Symptoms of a Midlife Crisis

• Unexplained bouts of depression when doing tasks that used to make you happy. Feeling lost or trapped.
• Change of habits. Activities which used to bring pleasure now are boring. Unable to complete or concentrate on tasks which used to be easy.
• Wanting to run away from everything. Lack of communication with a spouse or partner.
• A desire to get into physical shape. Extra focus on appearance/ Dressing Younger
• Desire for a new, passionate and intimate relationship
• Irritability or unexpected anger
• Change in allergies.
• Exploring new musical tastes.
• Sudden new desires:  to learn how to play an instrument, drawing, poetry, writing
• Shifting sleep patterns (Typically to less)
• A desire to surround yourself with different settings
• Hanging out with a different generation as their energy and ideas stimulate you.
• Restarting things, which you dropped 20 years earlier.
• Upset at where society is going. Experience a desire to change the world for the better.
• Feeling trapped or tied down by fiscal responsibilities or emotionally tied to family or current set of friends.
• A desire to teach others or become a healer.
• Desiring a simple life. Losing interest in everyone and everything.
• Excessively looking back to one’s childhood.
• Playing again just to play!
• Keep re-asking yourself: “Where am I going with my life?”
• Getting fixated on new “wonder” solutions to problems.
• Recently experiencing something extremely stressful. Stress can trigger a Midlife transformation. Some examples include: Changing Jobs, Divorce, Relationship failures, Death of someone close, Chemical/Toxic exposure upon the body or experiencing a major illness.
• Doing things that get you into trouble when it surprises everyone as being out of character.
• Someone unexpectedly exclaims: “You are going through a midlife crisis!”
• Changing or investigating new religions, churches or new age philosophy.

(As per Casey, a counselor and generally).

For Every negative – Look for the Positive

So does it end here?  The person going through this mid-life crises is called crazy and they will continue in this state of mind for the next x number of years? Absolutely not. Experiencing a midlife crises is not about

Several newly published books lend weight to the idea that while a midlife crisis is undoubtedly a personal trauma, it can also be a rebirth. A speed bump in life actually wakes you up. So should midlife crises. Use it to your advantage by:

• Recognizing its symptoms and analyzing your own behavior in its light. This is an opportunity shift to a better life. When the soul, mind and body are in a state of disarray, it is a perfect time to reflect and find harmony within the self and not find answers outside of yourself as you have been trying to do all this time. Our lives are now based on chasing after goals and money and fame. Now with these changes, it is good to redefine your expectations of life. It is a good opportunity to try to something that makes others happy rather than going back to the self desires.
• Share your feelings. Communications help relieve the bottling up. By sharing you can ease out the frustrations and generally feel better.
• Your spouse/partner  has been on a journey with you for a long time. They have shared the good and the bad. Rediscover your spouse as a friend and partner. Do things together.
• Set new goals for life that are achievable, exciting and realistic.
• Travel
• Do good to others selflessly
• Socialize with your family and friends. Remember you are not alone..

This change may feel very traumatic at first and you may thing it may not even work. But be consistent. Don’t allow yourself to draw back into the cyclone of negative thoughts as it will lead you further in it and further away from all that once was the source of your life and happiness. You have worked way too hard with those around you to discard it at a time when it is getting closer to the time to reap the harvest.