I woke up with a headache I had never felt in my life. It felt like my head was the World Cup FIFA ground and all the players were stampeding on it. I had a fever of about 101 degrees. Oh my head! I took Tylenol. I must have just come down with the flu or something – a seasonal thing.

Two days and about 10 Tylenols/Panadols later, my head still hurt and fever had risen up to 103. A doctor cousin started me on Cefspan antibiotic course. That is how it works in Pakistan when you have a family doctor. You call them and they advise you over the phone. That is exactly what I did. And on most occasions, it works out fine for very regular viral or infections. This time round little did I know that it was not just an ordinary viral infection.

I reacted to the antibiotic or God knows what happened. My muscles tightened up, my throat was parched. I could not breathe. My head spun and the nausea was much more than any pregnancy can give. My doctor cousin said that I had to continue with the antibiotic no matter what. And if I felt nauseous then I should take another pill for that. Agh! More medication. Then the vomiting began. I called my cousin and deduced myself that I am stopping the antibiotic because I might have reacted to it and I still felt dizzier. He gave me yet another more intense tablet to control my dizziness. He agreed to stop the antibiotic. The good thing was that the fever broke.

By now I had a metallic taste in my mouth. My appetite was nonexistent. I was still throwing up; I was dizzy and felt extremely weak. Every time I stood up, darkness overtook me and I sat back down. I was breathless and was hoping somebody would just give me one of those oxygen masks so I could just breathe better.

Just when I thought that my trial was over, a rash broke out. I had an itchy skin all over. The inside of my vessels seemed dispersed as if the blood had broken up in bubbles inside of my skin. I later found out the technical term for that was maculo papular rash.

I realized how stupid it was not to have a physician to refer to so I called around a few friends to find a clinic. Meanwhile, I called another doctor cousin to get the name of a generalized blood test that will depict iron level, White Blood Cell count etc. etc. Something was definitely going on and it was more than just a common cold. I got the blood test done.

About now I had the result and I had found a physician. I went to her. In the waiting room the swarm of people and no air was a killer. I paced about waiting for my turn sipping my bottle of water thinking at least if I were to collapse here, I would be in safe hands! When my turn came, she saw my results. She looked at the paper, paused a bit and then looked anxiously at me. “You have had the dengue and your platelet counts prove that,” she said. I have what?? I thought. Wasn’t that the epidemic I had heard about and how it was fatal and people had died because of it? Then the doctor inquired more about my symptoms and all were evident – the rash on my skin etc. She explained the blood report to me where the platelet count range was between 150 – 400. Mine were 78. She warned that if they were to fall below 50, then the only solution is blood transfusion. Blood transfusion! I wondered how safe that was. What if some other complication happened? Then she went on to tell me to rest and take as much fluids as I could. I was to take another blood test after 36 hours. She said the treatment is now on need basis.

At home, I lay there feeling lifeless. I thought about life. I thought about the life of my children. I thought about my existence and above everything I thought about religion. I thought about the fact that I am a Muslim and if this is the end, then my belief says there is to be accountability. I thought, but wait I am not ready to die just yet, God. I have missed so many opportunities to do good. We as Muslims believe in the concept when a person dies, the only way he/she can continue with their deeds is if they have passed on beneficial knowledge, if they have good children who do good deeds,  if the person has taught someone. I have yet to prepare my children to carry out this work on my behalf. I need more time, God. I thought, I have to say sorry to God for all the time I knew I was doing wrong yet I was heedless to His existence and the end. I thought, if only I had more strength to get up and pray to Him. I never felt God so near but yet so far from me. Suddenly, I felt weighed down with all the belongings I have in my house. We have so much in our house when others out there don’t have even a piece of cloth to wear. What a waste of these things and we leave all our possessions behind. I felt the urge to just give away everything.

I closed my eyes and darkness overtook me. Wouldn’t the grave be so dark and I so alone. It was almost as if I could feel my platelets diminish in chunks! I realized I am not ready to face my Creator. I needed more time. If only I had been more aware…

2 days later, my blood report showed my platelets had gone up and I was on my way to recovery. The doctor warned and said that I will continue to feel the fatigue for days to come so I should “take it easy.”  I had gotten another chance to come back to the world again. Now is the test of how I will take my experience of near death and live my life! How will I make the changes in my life? How would YOU make those changes reading this experience?

Part – 2